Setting the Place

1.  Does your child have a designated place to do homework (a work station)?

• Young children, kindergarten through second grade, for occasional guidance may need to be near where a parent is cooking, folding laundry, reading, etc.
• Older children may be more able to concentrate if they are in a more private place.

If this idea appeals to you, the following quiz may be the best test you have ever taken.  There is no grade.  It is just a guide to assist you in finding ways to create greater harmony around homework.  It is written in three parts: A) Setting the Time; B) Setting the Place; and C) Setting the Mood. Parts B & C will follow in the days to come.

Setting the Time

1.  Does your child have a homework schedule in place?

2.  Is the homework plan individualized for each child (as much as possible)?

3.  Is a different schedule needed for each day because of a variety of after school activities?

4.  Does your child need to:

• have a snack first?
• have a break before starting homework?
• complete homework before sports due to fatigue afterward?
• do a form of phsical activity first in order to be more focused and less fidgety?

...in the school world that is.  This is an opportunity to introduce change.  We as a society think about making a positive change in our lives every January first.  Think about something you've been wanting to change in your life or your family life.  Here are some ideas to stimulate your thinking:

• Schedule family game nights throughout the next few months.
• Plan and provide for more fun and laughter in your life.
• Connect to feelings and needs of others and yourself.
• Learn a new skill.
• Help those in need.
• Ask more questions to increase understanding and clarity.

Todd Parr, a best-selling children's author and illustrator has written a lovely book, "It's Okay to Be Different" (2001) Little, Brown, and Company. The book introduces and validates many feelings.  The focus is, also, on the specialness and uniqueness of every individual.

A fun way to broaden a child's vocablary and understanding of feeling is, "Feelings Flashcards" by Todd Parr (2010) Chronicle Books.  Each of the twenty cards is a colorful illustration of a common experience such as proud.  The other side of the card portrays the opposite feeling, ashamed. An added benefit is these cards can be helpful to children when they are having difficulty identifying what they are feeling.

For older youth, the animated movie, "Inside Out" by Pixar is a great springboard for conversations about the contribution feelings play in our lives.

The following example of the value of "Say What's Wrong and Make It Right" was relayed to me by an elementary school principal.

While on yard duty, a kndergarten girl complained, to the principal, "Tommy is chasing me."

Mrs. Brown, the principal responded, "Let's go talk to him."

Tommy's immediate response was: "I didn't chase her."

Mrs. Brown: "I didn't say you did.  You're not in trouble.  You just need to listen to Lisa."

Mrs. Brown guided them through the Five-Step Process with Lisa looking in Tommy's eyes and stating: "I don't like it when you chase me.  I want you to stop.  It makes me mad."

At this point, Tommy surprisingly offered: "I'm sad."

Mrs. Brown to Tommy: "What are you sad about?"

Tommy to Lisa: "That I chased you. I'm sorry."

Mrs. Brown: "How are you both feeling now?"

Lisa and Tommy in unison and smiling: "Fine!"

Throughout the whole process there was no blaming or guilt.  Lisa simply made an observation of her view of the situation.  Because of that Tommy was able to take responsibility, make amends, and solve the problem quickly.  So many lessons were introduced in a short amount of time:

• Saying what one is upset about, identifying feelings, using eye contact, and listening to each other leads to win-win solutions.
• Conflict can be solved without anyone getting in trouble or being punished.
• Children are capable of solving problems when given tools.

I wish you all could have been with me this morning.  I was given the rare opportunity to see and hear the Dalai Lama.  He radiates complete joy and compassion for all.  I was filled with joy just being in his presence.  It definitely rubbed off.  

The main thought I took away is, "We all have to do what we can to make a difference."  So now I'm even more motivated to find ways to share "Say What's Wrong and Make It Right."

Off we go!!!

I am very excited!!  Say What's Wrong and Make It Right, the book, is finally completed. I am so grateful to so many of you for using the Five-Step Process in your own families, classrooms, and even, workplaces.  Your input has helped me hone the program to the useful, workable communication tool it is today.  Your encouragement has added to the joy I receive from teaching the program.  Also, your words and support have helped me stay with the  writing of this book to completion.